Missing Out

Labels: , , , , , - Thursday, May 20, 2010

UGH! I hate when I feel like I'm missing out on good times. I really have to learn to get over this at some point in life. Jawan is in Baton Rouge right now, and I'm SO upset I couldn't go! He is visiting with old LSU friends. I really wanted to go, but with work, lack of money, and a big move coming up, there was NO way I could take part.


I hate this feeling. It's not even that I'm jealous that other people get to see him or that Baton Rouge is so awesome (because it's absolutely not, lol), but I just know they're gonna have a good time and make great memories WITHOUT me. I mean obviously if I were there it would be like 100,000x more fun, but who cares lol.

So why is it that I can't let it go? I'm totally content here, excited about the choir show tomorrow, making money, having fun. But I'm bitterly upset when I think about all my LSU friends hanging out, laughing, reminiscing, having fun for one last hoorah. Maybe that's it. I know I will get to go visit eventually - but when I do, many of them will be gone. And it just won't be the same. Oh well. I guess I'll stop whining now. LOL. Just another Tracie vent-session.

TTFN. ♥

...to make you feel my love.

Labels: , , , - Monday, May 17, 2010

So I don't know what it is lately - maybe being around a lot of people at work or whatever - but I have been thinking a lot about my future, as far as love and relationships are concerned. I definitely am feeling the urge to connect with someone new on a deep level. I just have always felt like I have so much love to give, but never anyone to give it to. And it's like, whenever I meet a guy that I'm interested in, it seems they're only interested in sex. What is that? Like, why is it that [most young] men put SO much importance on sex. So much so, that they miss out on these amazing opportunities for so much more? I just don't get it.


I made the decision a few years ago that has really changed the way I think about sex. The reality is, for me - sex comes with love. Of course it's a physical urge, but it's not worth doing at all if it's not with someone you love. Of course there are lots of guys I could have had sex with recently if I really wanted to, but I haven't. And honestly, I won't. I say a lot of things, but that's something I really mean. I just think that if I sleep with someone that I don't love and that I know for a fact doesn't love me, I'm selling myself way short of what I deserve. And I'm too emotional of a being to handle a situation like that. I'm not going to mask my emotions to maintain a relationship of casual sex. That's ridiculous...

This was never a religious choice for me. It's all about my own self worth and giving myself a chance to love and to be loved.

I have realized in life that as long as you stay true to yourself, are a good person, and be patient, good things will come. Although I am feeling a little restless right now, I am not going to try and rush anything or make anything happen with anyone. I know it will in time. I'm just working on me right now and eventually some guy who really wants to know ME will come along. And when that happens, I have to be strong enough to have strength and conviction in my choice...

It is so difficult sometimes. But the one thing that I always will remember is the way it feels after "the deed is done," and you're still on an island. Of course it's easier said than done, because in that moment you're not thinking about the future. But I guess what I have to do is not put myself in situations where I have to work against animalistic instincts...lol. Because in those situations in the past, I've always lost. Of course I'm older and wiser now though. I'm really glad for the things that have happened in my past to teach me those lessons.

Anyway, just needed to get that off my chest. Until next time..

Peace and Love. ♥

Eastern Conference Semis!!

Labels: , , , - Saturday, May 15, 2010

All I have to say is this:


CELTICS ADVANCE!!! BYE-BYE LEBRON!

I'm feeling good about this year....

Let's hang banner #18!!!





I spoke too soon...

- Thursday, May 13, 2010

So man....it seems like the drama never ends in my life!


First of all, I spoke too soon about the apartment. Well, actually we got screwed but... technicalities. Basically, we had a bunch of drama because of the fact that I wasn't officially employed at the time, and my mom was unemployed as well. And of course she was behind on her mortgage payments (which we had already told them), and they told us with a cosigner we would be approved. They took all of our app fees and deposit, and then on Tuesday they told us we were declined because you have to be current (within the last 3 months) on mortgage payments. (BTW, they had already told us on Thursday we were approved. Hence why I posted a blog about it.) They basically took our money KNOWING we'd be declined. Mom was really upset. I knew everything would work out though, somehow.

And it's a damn good thing we got declined, because I found a review online saying that our EXACT APARTMENT was infested with black mold, and had caused the previous tenants to acquire respiratory infections. WTF?! Who does that??

But everything happens for a reason, and the next day I found a more beautiful, more secure, more spacious apartment NEXT DOOR - with a balcony overlooking the pool! And we're OFFICIALLY ACCEPTED! Thank God! Here's the model version:

Bar Area:

Mom's Room:

Kitchen:

My room/bathroom:

Living Room:

So yeah. That's the deal with that. :)

Working at Maggiano's is super fun. A lot of fun people to talk to. A lot of tips. But it is quite tiring. My body just wants to collapse by the end of the shift, lol. And it's soooo hard not to eat the food. The first 2 days were bad, but I'm adjusting and getting used to the temptation lol...Pray for me!

Mother's day was good. I woke up super early and made mom breakfast and gave her flowers:


Spinach and Cheese omelette, Turkey Bacon, Wheat Toast with Grape Jam, and Strawberries:

It was delish. Then later we went to my brother's house (he had made delicious lasagna), and mom got another card and CAKE! Aghhh. Too much food. lol. But it's ok, I'm still doing well!

That's all for now. I've been enjoying being busy. OH, and....

GO CELTICS!!! Tonight they have the chance to close out the Cavs in 6, and shut everybody up! LET'S GOOOO!

OK, I'm out.

Peace and Love. ♥


Helluva Week

Labels: , , , , , , , , , - Saturday, May 8, 2010

Ah! It's been a crazy week. Lots of UPs and DOWNs! But things are good and I have NOTHING to complain about and EVERYTHING to be thankful for.


Mom and I settled on a place to live after much debate and discouragement. We were told by a realtor that basically we would have NO chance of getting approved on a lease application without adequate employment/income. We were really trying to avoid apartment living (for obvious reasons), but we realized that financially it was the best decision. And I knew that wherever we ended up, we would make it a "home" because we'd be together. SO....We will be living in a 2 bedroom apartment near Shoreline called "the hunt club." I knew it was nice because Ashley lives there, and I'd been several times and been impressed with the space/cost/community. Here are a few pictures of our place:

Living Room Area

Balcony

My Bathroom

Kitchen/Laundry Area


It'll definitely be a big adjustment, but I'm kind of looking forward to the change. Plus they have a fitness center, 2 pools, tennis courts, and more. I think Jazmyne will enjoy it too.


In other GREAT news, I will start working at Maggiano's Monday! I'm really excited. I definitely willed myself into that job. I'm going to be doing carry out during the week and hostessing on weekends. Matt (the manager) instantly loved me, and knew I would be great for it. There are bound to be some fun new friends! And I am excited to get to work with Elizabeth on weekends until she leaves in a month!


And speaking of Elizabeth, I love her so much. It's always amazing to have a best friend who you have SO much in common with, it's scary. We stayed up until 4:30am having deep convos about life, reminiscing, and talking about hope for the future. It reminded me of a night we had 8 years ago when we first became best friends, our first sleepover back in '02. She keeps me young! LOL. Anyway, she's amazing and will be successful in law school. I just hope she comes back when it's over! Or maybe before it's over! :(

And we have to lay down some tracks in the studio! I'm so excited to be able to explore my performing urges in other genres besides opera. I feel so liberated, like I'm no longer in a box. Opera was never my first love. I just spent so much time working at it that I excelled - but I'd really like to do some contemporary and quazi musical theater type stuff. Singing and teaching is going to be so amazing. I know that by continuing to perform, it will help me better relate to my students. Teenagers also have a lot of respect for people that are doing what they want to be. I'm excited to be busy again.

Also, Ashley and I went to my good ole friend Jake Raines' birthday show last Friday. It was so great seeing him after 5 years, but kind of a shame it'd been so long. He looks so different, in a good way.


I hope to be able to reconnect with a lot of old friends now that I'm back. I know I won't see people super often, but I want to reestablish some of those relationships.

Anyway, I'm happy. Time to go have a Saturday morning walk with mom. I've been doing so well. I'm -12 lbs! Keeping up the lifestyle change! :)

Peace and love. ♥


Subscribe to: Posts (Atom)